At the beginning of this cancer journey, I had to face well-meaning (at least I hope they were) people telling me God does not miraculously heal anymore, He only heals through doctors now. Although I know this to be untrue - it just isn't in scripture, and God certainly removed my husband's brain tumor! - it was very hard to hear. I became critical of them. How dare they put God in a box that says 'doctors only'! My God is bigger than any box!
So we prayed for my healing, and God gave us encouragement from my brothers and sisters, so many scriptures, everything I needed to strengthen my faith and not worry. I knew that my God would heal me. I didn't know if He would take the tumor, as He had with Dave, or if He would use the surgeon. At that point it didn't matter. We went ahead with the medical aspects, but I told my doctor about the miracle God had given us when He took away Dave's pituitary tumor, leaving behind no scar tissue or trace. We discussed my miracle.
This whole journey started with severe stomach pain in the appendix area. I could barely walk, and was certain my appendix was about to burst! They did every test imaginable and could find no physical reason for that pain. My appendix was fine, and I have nothing else in that area. There was simply no reason physically for my pain. One of the tests was a CT-scan, which revealed a mass on my kidney. They did an MRI to figure out what was the mass, and it looked like a tumor that was probably cancer. 1.2cm. About the size of a dime. A dime! Renal cell carcinoma does not have symptoms, certainly not the pain I was experiencing. This dime size tumor was clearly not the cause of my pain. If not for that pain, I'd never have known about the cancer, at least not until it had grown so invasive as to affect other organs. The doctor told me that renal cell carcinoma does not respond to chemo or radiation. The only way to get rid of it is to cut it out.
We prayed for God to take my tumor, and we scheduled the surgery. On the day before, the doctor did an additional ultrasound to make sure the tumor was still there. How blessed I was to be given a Christian surgeon, who took our faith seriously! The tumor was still there, and he removed it the next day. He also did a little exploratory surgery to see if he could find the cause of my intense pain. He found nothing. I am absolutely convinced my Father caused that pain to get me into the doctor so the tumor would be found.
I was left with kind of a dilemma. I knew that God could, and did, miraculously heal. He had done it for my husband. Yet, He chose not to take my tumor. Why? Was my faith not strong enough? Did I do something wrong? I've learned it was neither of those things. I've learned that God answers prayer the way He does for His glory, for my benefit, and to benefit those with whom I come into contact. In this case, it was for my benefit, and the benefit of my doctors. My Dr. is a practicing Christian. We brought him with us on our faith journey for my healing, and were able to share with him freely the things our Lord had taught us, and the scriptures that so spoke to our hearts.
As for my benefit, through this He showed me my own hypocrisy, and softened my heart toward His other children. You see, a pastor I know was diagnosed with cancer some months before mine was found. At church one Sunday, Deacons gathered around him and prayed. They prayed for the doctors to have wisdom, for the surgery to go well, for recovery to be swift. None of them actually prayed for God to take away the cancer and heal the pastor. We were fresh from the Lord's miraculous removal of my husband's brain tumor. So, I began to judge this man in my heart. Why didn't he have enough faith to ask God to heal him? Why didn't the Deacons? Where o where was his FAITH??? Turns out, I am not his judge. I don't get to decide whether or not he has faith. His journey is his, and my journey is mine. I had been guilty of the same spirit those people showed who told me God only uses doctors to heal. I had put my God in a box labeled 'faith healing only', and He doesn't belong in a box!
Please don't misunderstand. In NO WAY was this a punishment! It was a lesson in who God is! If God takes away your illness, it is God who heals. If God uses doctors to take away your illness, it is STILL God who heals! If your illness is ongoing, have faith and see your doctor; it is always and only God who heals! I'll tell you the story of my husband's tumor in another blog. His story is why I'm advocating you see a doctor. Short version, we were able to witness to his doctor when the 3rd MRI revealed that God had removed his tumor and left no scar tissue. The doctor could not believe it had happened, reviewed all the old MRIs to make sure the clean one was actually my husband's head, and told us this kind of tumor never ever resolved (re-absorbed into the body). Removal of the tumor benefited my husband's and my faith, and showed the power of God to the doctor. My surgery benefited my husband's and my faith, changed my attitude toward my spiritual family, and increased the faith of my doctor.
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